I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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