at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
