I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am one with the molecules
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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