evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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