I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
