I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
