So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
