Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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