will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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