who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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