And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
