I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
