I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
