I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
