dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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