you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
