I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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