I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
