Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
