the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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