yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
