for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
