Plan B is the new Plan A
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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