I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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