my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
