Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
