It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
