Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
