i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
