I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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