u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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