Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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