Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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