I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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