I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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