We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
