True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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