Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
