if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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