She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
