Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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