I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
