Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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