Jerry, you need to find god
he thought i was a dude.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
