I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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