I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize