I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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