just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
