no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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