I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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