My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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