It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
