All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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