Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
