i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
