You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
