so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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