Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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