ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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