omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
