True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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