I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Someone signed my nipple.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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