Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
