Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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