piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
