I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.