so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea