im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.