what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box