Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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(850): So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/g8du

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?

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(503): do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice? http://tfl.nu/c0bh

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(239): View more from Florida

I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

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(239): I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/yxe4

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(307): View more from Wyoming

So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"

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(307): So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that" http://tfl.nu/5p37

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(253): View more from Washington

I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.

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(253): I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs. http://tfl.nu/cszc

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(609): View more from New Jersey

im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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(609): im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school... http://tfl.nu/h356

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(408): View more from California

I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.

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(408): I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included. http://tfl.nu/7ela

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(970): View more from Colorado

I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines

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(970): I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines http://tfl.nu/icc2

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(205): View more from Alabama

$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer

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(205): $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer http://tfl.nu/vhus

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.

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(724): Sat down on an escalator. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/nzjv

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(949): View more from California

i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.

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(949): i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/v7vl

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.

(848): View more from New Jersey

No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.

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(732): I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab. (848): No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've. http://tfl.nu/k222

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(970): View more from Colorado

Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.

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(970): Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/bzxi

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(970): View more from Colorado

Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.

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(970): Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/0i73

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(337): View more from Louisiana

You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me

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(337): You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me http://tfl.nu/vlf7

Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (252)

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